How to Speak to Another Parent When Their Child Is Bullying Yours

Few things make your heart ache like hearing your child say, “They were mean to me.” Whether it’s name-calling, exclusion, or something more serious, watching your child struggle with bullying can stir up every protective instinct you have.

And while our first reaction might be to march straight into the playground like a mama lion, navigating the situation calmly — especially when it involves another parent — takes a little strategy (and a lot of deep breaths).

Here’s how to approach it with grace, empathy, and strength.

1. Take a breath before you take action.

When emotions are high, it’s easy to react from anger or hurt. Before you reach out, pause. Talk it through with your partner, a teacher, or a trusted friend. You want to come from a place of wanting resolution, not revenge.

2. Gather facts, not feelings.

Ask your child gently what happened — and listen without leading. Get specific details: who, what, when, and where. Remember, kids’ stories can sometimes blur; it helps to have clarity before you approach another parent.

If the situation is happening at school, loop in a teacher or counsellor first — they can provide context and act as a neutral bridge.

3. Choose the right time and tone.

Never confront another parent in the heat of the moment, especially in front of children or other parents. Instead, ask if you can have a quick chat privately: “I wanted to talk about something that’s been happening between our kids.”

Keep your tone calm, neutral, and collaborative — you’re both parents trying to do your best, not enemies in a showdown.

4. Use “I” language, not “you” language.

It’s the golden rule of conflict resolution: focus on impact, not accusation.Say: “My child’s been coming home upset after a few incidents — I wanted to understand what might be happening.”Not: “Your child is bullying mine.”

The first invites conversation; the second shuts it down.

5. Be ready for defensiveness.

No parent wants to hear their child is being unkind — even if it’s true. Stay composed if they react emotionally. Sometimes it takes time for things to sink in. Your calmness will set the tone for the rest of the discussion.

6. Focus on solutions, not blame.

Suggest practical steps: encouraging both kids to speak with a teacher, arranging for some supervised interaction, or simply agreeing to keep an eye on things. You’re not there to “win” — you’re there to help both children grow.

7. Model the empathy you want your child to learn.

How you handle this moment teaches your child volumes about conflict, compassion, and courage. When they see you standing up for them — but with kindness — they learn that strength doesn’t have to be loud.

8. Follow up — but don’t hover.

Keep communication open with your child and teachers. Praise your child for being honest and brave, and reassure them that it’s your job, not theirs, to handle the grown-up side of things.

Because at the end of the day, dealing with bullying is hard — but dealing with it well shows your child the power of boundaries, empathy, and standing tall with dignity.

Sometimes the real lesson isn’t just about stopping the bullying — it’s about modelling what real courage and calm look like.