Honest Parenting // entertaining kids without screens

I’m a Type B mother. In case you’re not familiar with what a Type B mother is; let me start perhaps by explaining what a Type A mother looks like.

A ‘Type A’ mother always has wipes. Her children need never have mucky hands. She always has elastoplasts and calpol. Her children need never have open wounds or the slightest headache. She is always on time and always organised. She has a planner on the fridge which she adheres to strictly, and it’s backed up on her iPhone. Obvs. She never drops her children off at school in uniform on non-uniform days. She never swears in public when she realises she’s brought her kid to the wrong soft-play for a birthday party.

In short; Type A mother has her sh*t together.

In short; Type B mother (aka me) does not.

I have never been as jealous of the Type A mothers as I was last month, whilst on a flight with my children. Of course, the Type A mothers have snacks-a-plenty to keep their little treasures’ blood sugar levels nice and level. But they also have devices. All-singing, all-dancing tablets, always fully charged, always accompanied by the latest noise-cancelling headphones, always bursting with downloaded films and games so their darlings are entertained from take-off through to landing.

I’ve noticed these mothers over the years, not just on planes but in restaurants, both in the UK and on holiday. I’ve watched with envy while the parents eat in peace, having no doubt hilarious fulfilling adult conversation whilst their kids are glued to the screen in their hands.

Being a Type B mother, it doesn’t cross my mind that I should’ve bought a tablet/downloaded some films/charged a tablet/packed a tablet until I’m on the plane or in the restaurant, with one or all of my kids uttering within seconds the words we all dread… “I’m bored Muuuuuum”!

But you know what; it turns out that just for once, my ineptitude and lack of preparation, has give me the edge over the Type A mother! Because a recent study has revealed that children who rely on screens whilst travelling or eating are more prone to digestive issues, overeating and delayed socio-emotional and language skills.

So you see, the fact that I can’t organise myself to provide screens for my kids is actually helping them in the long-term, even though it might significantly raise my stress levels in the moment. It’s true isn’t it? A bored child (especially one trapped on a train or at a table) can send their mothers cortisol levels through the roof pretty quickly.

So if we shouldn’t turn to screens; which let’s be honest, most of us know isn’t doing our kids much good; how can we entertain the little blighters!?

Here are some top tips from the experts:

• Dr Nicola Beurkens delivers us some good news firstly; in that we shouldn’t necessarily jump in and try to keep our kids occupied all the time. Phew! That’s because boredom is in fact, good for them! She states that boredom teaches kids to use their creativity and problem-solving skills and is in fact a critical element of their brain development.

  
  

• Psychologist Randy Kuhlman suggests creating a menu with your child… and not one containing chicken nuggets and chips. Nope, Kuhlman advises parents to work collaboratively with their children to create a list of physical, social, unstructured and creative activities which a child can turn to when screen time isn’t an option. Of course in a restaurant or on a long car journey, you can hardly suggest to your child that they pay some football or choreograph a dance. For my money, I’ll be creating two lists; one for when general boredom strikes, and one for places where they need to stay still in one place!

  
  

• We are often quick to label our kids ‘screen addicts’ or say they’re not particularly arty/sporty/into reading. I’m definitely guilty of this, but instead of providing screen-free activities you think they’d like, keep the choices wide and present opportunities for your child to find out what they enjoy. My teenager was recently on a phone ban (my go-to punishment of choice for bad behaviour) and I walked into our living room expecting to find him sitting sulking staring at the TV. His little brother had left out his lego and lo and behold, there was the teenager, intently creating a lego football game… for a solid hour. If I had suggested he play with lego there’d have been fury, but letting him find it himself seemed to work.

  
  

• Screen-free time is easier the younger your child is. A trip to the park, heading to the beach to collect shells, painting stones, playing with dolls or figures, baking, throwing a frisbee or kicking a football, crafts…the list is endless. As your kids get older screens become much harder to prise out of tier clammy hands. This is where psychologist Monica Foley, who has worked with children and families for over 20 years, says that firm boundaries are important. Agree a schedule with your kids around screen-time and make it clear that at family gatherings and mealtimes, screens will be unavailable. Then role model that behaviour yourself. It’s impossible to stop your child scrolling whilst eating, if that’s exactly what you do!

  
  

• Go old-school with games… Being that Type B mother who wasn’t equipped with iPads, chargers or headphones for our recent flight; I assumed it woud be a torturous journey. However what I lacked in tech, I made up for in old-school games. As soon as the plane was level I pulled down the tray-tables and set out Dobble, Uno and good old-fashioned card games. They may well have groaned at first, but they were just as captivated by beating their siblings at those simple card games, as I’ve ever seen them captivated by their Nintendo Switch. We played the entire week and it was such a lovely fun experience for all of us.

  
  

• Compromise on a podcast. And no, before you say it; that’s not cheating! Yes it’s using tech, but it’s a good way to improve your child’s listening skills and broaden their range of interests. Plus the sheer amount of podcasts out there, on all topics from music to sport to history, means there’s something for every child between 5 and 95. The bonus is popping those headphones on means your child (and you) get a bit of time out to decompress.

  
  

• Sometimes you have to meet your child where they are. If you’ve got a child who is crazy into games, watches YouTube shorts on repeat or snapchats their friends non-stop; removing screens can feel like a huge punishment to them and will probably result in arguments. Dr Kenneth Barish, an eminent expert on child mental health suggests in these cases you should move toward your child, rather than moving them away from the screen. Watch a movie together or challenge them to a game of FIFA on their Xbox. They’ll enjoy seeing you inhabit their world and you’ll probably get to understand a bit more about why whatever they’re into is so appealing to them.

  
  

The last final tip comes from me, not the experts… and it’s one I could say on just about any parenting topic…

Stop beating yourself up!

Modern parenting is hard. We are juggling way more plates than our own parents were, and we use whatever tools are at our disposal to get through these frantic weeks and years. If that means your kid watches one too many episodes of Peppa Pig whilst you breathe into a paper bag in the kitchen; so be it, my friend.