Why Your Words Matter As A Parent

Your words carry immense weight in the lives of your children, especially in the pre-teen and teen years.

How you speak – your tone, choice of words, and ability to make your child feel seen and understood – shapes how they view themselves and the world around them.

Your support plays a crucial role in building their confidence and motivation, both in sports and in life. As a parent, you are usually your child’s first role model, their earliest example, and their first hero. Your influence is steady, lasting, and deeply powerful.

Sadly, tweens and teens are often portrayed as ‘misunderstood’ and ‘complicated’, which can unfairly give them a bad rep before they have a chance to prove themselves. In reality, they’re human beings navigating a whirlwind of changes, looking to feel seen and heard, just like most adults - and that deserves empathy.

According to Psychology Today, poor communication – especially when parents raise their voice or focus on past mistakes – can lead to mutual distrust. As a result, kids may then keep their struggles to themselves.

Put simply: communicating effectively is everything.

It starts with them knowing you understand what they are going through, while also giving them the space to process things on their own if needed. Listening, having open conversations, and allowing them to have a safe amount of privacy are all essential to a healthy relationship.

Validating challenges

Something I see a lot is parents comparing their children’s struggles to their own, and minimizing them with phrases like “I had it worse” or “it’s not a big deal”.

There can be a lack of awareness among parents, especially in the world of sports. Some parents tend to speak to children as if they had it all figured out when they were the same age. It might not be intentional, but that attitude creates a lot of pressure.

Children are individuals living their own experience. Comparison dismisses their feelings instead of addressing them. Even if the issue won’t matter in a few days, weeks, or years, it matters to them in the moment, and that’s when they need someone.

Encouraging confidence, on and off the field

Sports environments should be inclusive and fun, and a perfect environment to build life skills like teamwork, leadership, and resilience. But when sports get competitive, encouragement can blur into pressure. There is a fine line between encouraging effort and fuelling anxiety.

Positive reinforcement helps kids feel confident and motivated. Hearing “You’ve got this”, “give it your best shot”, or “you’re doing great” is priceless.

Other phrases, though meant to push, can feel harsh and judgmental. “Don’t be lazy”, “You were the worst player”, “You could have done better” can create a fear of failure.

A healthy amount of self-generated pressure teaches accountability. But if you’re constantly stressed about their performance or angry at the last game’s score, they may associate their favourite sport with fear of failure and disappointment. In this situation, they may want to drop out altogether far before they get the chance to realise their potential.

Nothing goes without saying…

Many parents assume their feelings are obvious: “Of course I love you; I shouldn’t have to say it!” But when emotions are treated as self-evident, kids may grow up thinking they don’t need to express them at all.

I believe in verbalising feelings and celebrating achievements. A parent’s validation is one of the most powerful sources of reassurance and confidence a child can receive, especially during their teenage years.

Simple phrases like “You have so much potential”, “great effort”, “I’m proud of you” go a long way.

Of course, there will be moments where you overreact or say the wrong thing, don’t we all! The best thing to do is hold yourself accountable and apologise. Acknowledging those moments is a valuable way to reconnect and teach kids how to repair.

You may not have all the answers, and that’s okay. Teens will learn we’re all human and a work in progress. It’s important they see that in their parents first.

Respect their boundaries

When something happens, you want their first thought to be “I need to tell mum/dad” instead of “mum/dad is going to be so angry with me”. This is key in today’s digital world, where parents can’t control all the content teens consume.

Navigating social media can be complex, but it’s an important part of your child’s life. Resist the urge to go through their phone. Instead, stay as informed as possible about the trends your child is exposed to. Asking questions and showing genuine interest will create a stronger bond and help you understand them better.

If you’re advising them to avoid social media until a certain age, don’t just say “because I said so”. Offer clear reasoning, like “these apps expose you to people who may not be as kind as you are.”

Talk to them – but also listen

Being a curious parent is essential, just as knowing when to listen is just as crucial. When they’re telling you about their day, put your phone down and listen. Ask questions and hold back on the unsolicited advice!

Whether it’s in sports, school, at home, or everyday life, supportive parents who value open communication raise confident, strong, and resilient kids. Choose to be that parent.

// Jazz Ferguson, Professional Basketball Player and Teen Performance Mentor