The Mental Load & Your Heart // How Stress Impacts Women Differently

The care she holds for her loved ones, can come at the cost of her own health and calm.

Over the years women have won many battles while remaining the most nurturing, and thoughtful. For example, lying awake going through your to do list for tomorrow, feeding your little one late at night while managing a career, relationships and a social life.

And the cost is seen over time through various health issues that suddenly come to the surface like high blood pressure, insulin resistance, diabetes and cardiovascular conditions.

For decades, only men's health was tied to cardiovascular conditions and were heavily studied while women hid behind the shadows of that, with their health not well understood.

The traditional heart risks were seen as lifestyle issues such smoking and obesity. And while these still pose a risk, recent studies show how stress, high cortisol levels and a disregulated nervous system are the most common causes for the rising number of heart conditions in women, especially mums.

While women do a great job in their careers and managing their households and taking care of their kids, their health and nervous system take a massive toll.

Studies show how getting kids ready and out the door to go to school can be a constant stress inducer, while also struggling to make time for physical activity and eat well are also known causes. Women going through menopause and pregnancy complications also pose a very big risk to cardiovascular conditions later in life. 

Our nervous system functions on familiarity, so being in constant fight or flight (sympathetic ) states can keep women always in a state of action.

Then, coping mechanisms such as avoiding sleep – framing it as “me time” – or using food, particularly high-glycaemic foods, as self-care, keep people stuck in a constant cycle of anxiety and stress.

Over time, this leads to a shutdown state of the nervous system, where doomscrolling, late-night snacking, and sleep deprivation become the norm. Also being in the constant state of fight/flight mechanism takes a toll on sleep, as the heart rate variability takes a hit as well which doesn't allow quality sleep. 

It's time to reframe women's health and it's time to look at how we structure support for women and stop praising the overworking culture.

It's time to stop pressuring women to think that overworking and hyper independence is the only way to strike a balance.

It's time to encourage women to strike a good balance between caring for their basic needs like the food they eat, taking time out to be still and calm, as well as for physical movement like walking, yoga, and strength training.

Asking for help and delegating work is not a weakness but a key to balancing life.

Don't compromise on social support, carve out time to meet friends, and stay connected with friends and family.

Saying 'No' is also something that many women struggle with but being assertive and setting boundaries is a great form of self-care and should be more encouraged in our society. Structure and grounding are two key words that can help strike a balance.

Seeking therapeutic professional help should be encouraged as it can be another great way to work towards finding a balance and building the support that is needed so you don't have to choose between caring for others or yourself.

Women carry the mental load

Studies conducted on couples often show how women are more likely to carry the emotional labour, which comes from constant decision making, planning, directives and organisation of the household.

Taking that load off can be very good for women's nervous systems.

As a psychologist, I work with women, especially postpartum and see a lot of women who blame themselves for being burned out, expecting too much from themselves and living with constant guilt and shame.

While we are in Women's Heart Health Month, it's important to build awareness around the importance of creating a supportive environment for women and to help them strike a balance

Words by Joslin Gracias, Psychologist at Thrive Wellbeing Centre.

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