How to Talk to Your Kids about Violence in the News

We wish for a safer, kinder place for our children. The world is witnessing horrific acts of violence right now. Two years on, Israel’s genocide continues in Gaza. International law has been violated time and time again. Civilians are being killed by drone attacks in Sudan. Last month, rightwing commentator Charlie Kirk was killed and footage of his shooting spread like wildfire across the globe.

Anyone with a smartphone could easily access disturbing images and videos. Even though many parents are trying to create a movement for a smartphone-free childhood, we are all immersed in the digital age, making it impossible to hide all content completely. Nothing feels normal anymore, and yet, we all go on with normal lives. We continue to see violence, then we go to the office, get our groceries delivered, book a hair appointment…

But what about our children? When they see something scary, how can they go on playing and learning? How can we talk to them about the news? And how can we help them feel safe?

What is the first thing I should do as a parent?

Put your oxygen mask on first. Take stock of your own feelings and worries. Before you can help your little one process upsetting events, you have to work through them yourself. Check the facts  from accurate, reliable sources. Discuss with other trusted adults - your partner, sibling, best friend - in a safe space. Process your emotions and appropriate responses, then you’ll not only be ready to tackle your child’s worries, but you will project a sense of calm.

My kid overheard something disturbing at school…What should I do?

Journalist Anya Kamenetz suggests trying to find out where the source came from. A friend? A teacher? Another parent? Was this from something they saw online? Clear facts help to establish a situation. Maybe look online together to find the source.

Correcting misinformation is not just about giving answers but empowering the child to seek the truth. By fostering a curious and discerning mindset, we equip our children with the tools to sift through the noise and develop a deeper understanding of complex global issues. Allow your child to ask questions in the knowledge that no question is a bad question. Then, importantly, ask how they are feeling about it.

Something awful has been shown on the news and my child saw it. Can I undo this?

Of course not, sadly. But you can choose to how to handle this. Child psychiatrist, Eugene Beresin, says, ‘Kids of all ages have thaw concerns. Am I safe? Are you taking care of me? How will this affect my life?’ So the best way to respond to your child is by listening and validating their feelings. Be open and available to them. Allow big conversations within a tight-knit family group because by sharing, you lessen the load. Remind your child how much they are loved.

It’s worth remembering that having the news on the radio or a screen in the background while you’re cooking and your children are playing might seem innocent enough. However, little ears and little eyes pick up more than we might realise. Witnessing violence and civil unrest can be frightening and anxiety-producing, especially when they’re tired at bedtime. So try to save news updates for your earphones or when your children are not in the same room.

Our teenager has a smartphone and although she is sensible with it, she can access social media. This is very worrying…

Holly Korbey, author of Building Better Citizens, warns, ‘Parents need to understand that when kids have phones, they have unending exposure to the worst things happening in the world, and almost immediately on TikTok and Instagram, the facts of what happened get twisted instantly. What’s more, political leaders are saying, ‘Don’t trust the news,’ so people are just so confused.’

During periods of high conflict, sit with your teen and scroll through social media together. Talk about what you see and what it means. Discuss possible steps to block or filter certain content, and how to do so. Talk about the impact of seeing less content, how it can help your mental health. Most importantly, encourage your teen to talk to you about anything they see that might be upsetting. Let them know you are always there to listen or explain.

It feels impossible to just take the smartphone away though…

For very young children, their innocence should be protected. Jonathan Haidt, author of The Anxious Generation, is a firm believer in no smartphones before the age of 14, no social media until 16 and no screens in the bedroom ever. If you have a teen, you can start by introducing some restrictions such as fewer apps and tighter time limits. Do not allow the use of a device behind closed doors.

The work must start with the adult, too. When you’re with your children, don’t sit there scrolling on your phone or listening to the news. Kids of all ages learn by example. The last thing you need is an argument with your child about why it’s okay for you to use your phone but they are being forced to  restrict.

What about politics? Should we be including them in these discussions?

Holly Korbey tells her kids that no topic is off limits. She says, ‘Students who are exposed to controversial topics and allowed to talk about them end up becoming more politically active later. We have arguments at the dinner table. I think that’s good.’ In general, kids and teens are full of questions so seize this opportunity as a launchpad for deeper chats about global issues. Discuss your family values and points of view, while hearing what your kids are gravitating towards and wondering about. Remember to listen.

My kids are scared about climate change and school shootings. How can I reassure them?

Tori Cordiano is a clinical psychologist and suggests simply writing a letter to a young person in your life. Tell them facts. Letters are incredibly personal, knowing someone has written it just for you. Your child can keep the letter with them at all times, leave it under their pillow or read it whenever they are feeling anxious. Check in with their school and remind your child of all the safety drills and measures that are being done daily.

It might help to provide context to the violence witnessed if far away, or to review the protections keeping your child safe at home and in their community. Discuss strategies for what they can do or who they can go to if they ever feel unsafe. Encouraging your child to recycle or remember their reusable water bottle can be an act to help save the planet, which is a positive activity.

The news is so unsettling, my children are finding it hard to sleep after wanting to ask big questions. How can I manage this?

Sticking to a routine is important for children to feel secure and stable, especially in times of conflict or stress. Ample sleep is needed, plus regular meals, and exercise to remain healthy and happy. Take a positive interest in their schoolwork, their hobbies, the latest silly song they’re addicted to singing with their friends! Seeing their pals regularly should also be scheduled into the week too, with time for free play. When kids know boundaries and routine, they feel safe and empowered.

What if my child copies the actions they have seen?

Violence is never the answer. From a slap to a gunshot, shout this message loud and clear. Children will have disagreements with siblings, conflict with classmates, or moments when feelings become big and overwhelming. But teach them to use our words, not our bodies. Never tools or weapons. Keep an open conversation on bullying and ask what a bully is. Do your kids ever remember feeling hurt? Would they want someone else to feel like that?

How old should my kids be before we discuss violence in the news?

We live in a fast-paced digital culture, overloaded with too much, too soon. Sadly, children know no different and are picking up more information than previous generations. So begin discussions as early as possible, with love and understanding.

It’s not our choice, either. Nobody wanted to explain to little ones that the reason they couldn’t go to nursery and play with their friends was because of a nasty virus spreading all over the world making people very sick. But we had to. We can’t control the news, but we can control how we choose to talk about it.